Abuse Dynamics

Abusive relationships encompass a spectrum of harmful interpersonal dynamics marked by patterns of power, control, and psychological harm. These dynamics manifest in diverse contexts, including intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic violence, coercive control, cult involvement, and workplace bullying, as well as in elder abuse, human trafficking, child abuse, and sexual exploitation (American Psychological Association [APA], 2022; Stark, 2007).

Central features of such relationships include emotional abuse, manipulation, isolation, and threats, which can escalate to physical and sexual violence (World Health Organization [WHO], 2021). Coercive control, for instance, involves a persistent pattern of domination, surveillance, and regulation of a person’s daily life and autonomy, often without overt physical violence (Stark, 2007).

These experiences can contribute to significant psychopathology, inducing trauma- and stressor-related disorders such as Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD (APA, 2022), as well as depressive, anxiety, and somatic symptom disorders. The cumulative effects of abuse are profound, affecting victims’ mental and physical health, economic stability, and social functioning (WHO, 2021).

·       Isolation

·       Control of resources (money, information, transportation)

·       Monitoring and surveillance

·       Threats and intimidation

·       Gaslighting

·       Emotional degradation

·       Excessive criticism

·       Manipulation of guilt or loyalty

·       Love-bombing followed by devaluation

·       Unpredictable mood swings

·       Physical violence, including pinching or other lesser acts

·       Sexual coercion or rape

·       Stalking

·       Verbal abuse

·       Bullying

·       Spiritual or ideological abuse

·       Undermining autonomy or decision-making

·       Creating dependency

·       Restricting freedom of movement or communication

·       Public humiliation

·       Fear induction

·       Blaming the victim

·       Exploitation of vulnerabilities

·       Shifting blame or denial of abuse

·       Enforced secrecy or silence

·       Divide-and-conquer tactics

·       Shaming around identity factors (gender, sexuality, race, disability, etc.)

·       Retaliation for perceived disloyalty

·       Use of institutional power or authority to harm

·       Cultivation of fear-based loyalty or devotion

·       Demanding excessive devotion or time

·       Isolation from support systems

·       Discrediting the victim’s credibility

·       Sabotaging personal or professional success

·       Micromanagement of daily activities

·       Emotional blackmail

·       Threats of self-harm or suicide to manipulate

·       Cultivation of dependency through “special knowledge” or “secrets”

·       Creating an “us vs. them” worldview

·       Reward/punishment cycles

·       Withholding affection, approval, or resources

Think about whether any of these relationship dynamics are present in any of your relationships and you’ll most likely find some- sometimes in multiples places in your life. What do I do with that information??

A lot of clients who come to therapy come to realize that the things they went through growing up were not just “normal” experiences. While many people experience traumas in early life, it’s not something to be minimized or brushed to the side.

Abuse occurs in many different kinds of settings, and when it happens (especially to kids) at several intervals over the course of our lives, it starts to compound. Sometimes abuse is accompanied by traumas, such as being diagnosed with cancer or getting into a car accident.

Whether they’re little t or big T traumas, these stressors affect us deeply. When it’s coupled with relationships that are abusive, it can make a deep mark on our personality.

Discovering abuse dynamics over the course of your life and looking at whether they were coupled with traumatic incidents could explain why basic therapies haven’t given you much relief. These dynamics are hard to shake. But, we can relearn how to relationship and we get to choose the people in our sphere.

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References

American Psychological Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR). American Psychiatric Publishing.

Stark, E. (2007). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University Press.

World Health Organization. (2021). Violence against women prevalence estimates, 2018. https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240022256